Keep Right

Given events in Trenton these past few weeks, I thought I might devote a brief entry to a truly important subject:

Lousy drivers.

Polls show that most people consider themselves above average drivers. Of late, circumstances necessitated that I undertake numerous forays onto the Garden State Parkway. Given my experiences, many drivers’ opinions of their abilities requires reassessment. Remedial driver’s ed strikes me as entirely appropriate.

Jim Gearhart occasionally holds forth about a particular annoying species of drivers, known as "LLD"s. These abound, true, (fill in your favorite stereotype) but I find a related creature infinitely more annoying: the MLM, or Middle Lane Moron.

Consider the Carroll Postulate: in driving, as in politics, one belongs as far to the right as circumstances permit.

Roads like the Parkway function best when drivers adhere to a strict hierarchy of speeds. Those who wish to obey the posted limits – both of you know who you are – belong in the far right lane. Those wishing to proceed at a slightly faster clip belong one lane further to the left. And so on. Unless on is actively passing, one does NOT cruise along in ANY lane other than that furthest to the right.

Admittedly, the driving/political analogy is not perfect. (Sometimes, while driving, moving to the left makes sense, whereas, in politics, such is never the case.) But it offers some interesting parallels and demonstrates that moving further to the left than absolutely necessary inevitably ends up depriving someone else of his freedom.

Few things vex a reasonably driver more than encountering some dunce happily tooling along in the second-to-the-left of five lanes at 55 or 60. Instant bottleneck. People who wish to move only slightly faster resort to the left lane, which prevents those who wish to travel at a reasonable speed from availing themselves of the proper passing lane. Infuriatingly, the nitwits rarely realize the chaos they create. It never seems to occur to them to MOVE OVER and get out of the way.

Interestingly, a disproportionate number of these miscreants sport either Canadian plates or war surplus (but suspiciously fresh-looking) Kerry stickers. Canadians, being socialists, understand neither governing nor driving. Perhaps local Kerry voters simply can’t bring themselves to move to the right, either. This results in the somewhat perverse condition in which, often, the best place to make good time is in the far right lane, casually zipping by the folks happily clogging up the left-most lanes.

Getting passed on the right is prima facie evidence that you don’t belong in the lane you’re in, so get out of it.

Friends. While reasonable folks may disagree about tax policy, spending levels, school funding, governmental consolidation, etc., cannot we not agree on one simple policy: IF YOU’RE NOT ACTIVELY PASSING, GET OUT OF THE LEFT LANES..